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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29205246">a butterfly's dream</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/brieflygorgeous/pseuds/trengsin'>trengsin (brieflygorgeous)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Poppy War - R. F. Kuang</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dreams, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Spoilers for Book 3: The Burning God, i think??? but only if you squint</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:33:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>948</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29205246</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/brieflygorgeous/pseuds/trengsin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“The great sage Zhuangzi once said that he didn’t know whether he dreamed of transforming into a butterfly at night, or whether he was always living in a butterfly’s dream. This world is a butterfly’s dream. This world is the gods’ dream. And when we dream of the gods, that just means we’ve woken up.” (The Burning God)</p><p> </p><p>Chaghan knows, once he opens his eyes, that this is an unusual dream.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Chaghan Suren/Altan Trengsin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>a butterfly's dream</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I had the hope Altan would somehow come back on the other two books because I just could not process that he had died and later I could not understand why he never once made another appearance (not counting Rin's illusions) given all the talk about Speerlies clinging to their resentments even after death. This is my own personal take on how things must have went at some point for Chaghan to find closure about it.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Chaghan knows, once he opens his eyes, that this is an unusual dream.</p><p> </p><p>Against the dark horizon of this dream-reality floats a bubble of orange light. As it comes closer, Chaghan distinguishes the silhouette of black wings, their soundless flapping flickering the light that crowns it like a candle.</p><p> </p><p>“A butterfly?”</p><p> </p><p>Chaghan can’t tell if the butterfly is untouched by its own fire or consumed by it. Either way, its coal black body seems to ignite the flames surrounding it, for they do not once dim during the butterfly’s undisturbed flight into the endless void. </p><p> </p><p>The butterfly does not wait for Chaghan to follow, though he does not need to be told to.</p><p> </p><p>They brave the quiet depths of the other world for a long, long time.</p><p> </p><p>Then, suddenly, the butterfly’s flame illuminates the lines of another body as she finds her final destination. The curve of where a neck meets a shoulder is all Chaghan sees at first. Whoever the other person is, they have their back to him, seemingly unbothered by the butterfly perched on its shoulder. </p><p> </p><p>It’s only when Chaghan gets close that the figure stirs.</p><p> </p><p>Altan looks the same as the day they parted at Khurdalain. Gracious like the sharp edge of a weapon before it lands a single, unforgiving hit into an enemy’s body. Resolute and triumphant, even at the impending conclusion of its demise at its own crushing weight.</p><p> </p><p>Chaghan had a taste of it once, too. Back when the petty succession dispute of the Cike leadership was his main concern, and not the much softer ways Altan could break beyond skin and bones. That was the first time Chaghan had surrendered to Altan. Later on, that would become his worst habit.</p><p> </p><p>“Whose dream is this?”</p><p> </p><p>Altan’s expression betrays nothing at Chaghan’s question.</p><p> </p><p>“Does it really matter?”</p><p> </p><p>Even death didn’t manage to dim Altan’s smug indifference, something that he knew would get a reaction out of Chaghan’s own serenity. Chaghan snorts in old exasperation, and that too is something Altan recognizes with a reserved smile.</p><p> </p><p>“I suppose not,” Chaghan sighs. The next questions burn at the tip of his tongue. “Where did you go? I—I tried to find you. But I couldn’t feel any trace of you lingering.”</p><p> </p><p>“Did you want me to linger?”</p><p> </p><p>Yes. No. <em> Maybe </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Chaghan had expected to sense something—<em> anything </em>brush past his shoulder, a word whispered under his ear, the moment Altan vanished from the material realm. Speerlies had been decimated long ago, but even as a child Chaghan could still feel the hint of their souls clinging to mortal resentments. It would be impossible for them not to, with or without their natural inclination for resentment: too many lives were lost at once, with no one but a single boy to mourn—and avenge—them all. Sometimes Altan felt more like an accumulation of his ancestors’ rage than an individual person.</p><p> </p><p>Grief and rage were all he knew how to do. So how could he just <em> leave </em>without a trace?</p><p> </p><p>“You had no unfinished business?”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Is this why you turned down the many offers I made you? You didn’t want to live? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“I had my revenge against the Mugenese. I had no more reason to stay.”</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> I didn’t wanna die and take you with me. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“But the Mugenese are still around. The war continues.”</p><p> </p><p>“I suppose.” Altan shrugs. “But it’s not my war to fight anymore. I left that for Rin.”</p><p> </p><p>“But you know she—”</p><p> </p><p>“<em> I know </em>.” Altan cuts in. The butterfly still on his shoulder burns brighter, hotter, though Chaghan can’t feel it. “We find our violent ends to our violent beginnings. At least I died on my own terms.”</p><p> </p><p>Chaghan allows himself a moment of vulnerability, knowing that no matter whose dream this is, no one can find them. No one can hurt them. No one can hurt <em> Altan </em>anymore.</p><p> </p><p>His fingertips cup the curve of Altan’s cheek, and it feels so <em> real </em> that memories of their alone times come back to Chaghan in a rush: flames coiling into his storm, the burning debris falling at his feet, on his knees, in his mouth. The permanent smoke surrounding them with that sickening sweet smell.</p><p> </p><p>Altan places his hand over Chaghan’s and closes his eyes like he too is remembering.</p><p> </p><p>"Did you get what you wanted, in the end?"</p><p> </p><p>Altan opens his arms, and for a moment Chaghan imagines the entirety of the universe fits into the expanse of his invisible wings. That’s when Chaghan notices his bare chest: dark brown like wet earth, and just as strong. Whole. Unscarred.</p><p> </p><p>Chaghan takes a deep shuddering breath, and tastes the salt of tears on his mouth. Salt like the sea breeze—Altan no longer smells of opium.</p><p> </p><p>"Yes," Altan says, eyes still closed, his smile growing louder as the roar of waves surround them.</p><p> </p><p>Reality shifts into a thousand memories—no, a thousand timeless dreams, whose origins are no longer just the two of them, past or future. Sand the color of Chaghan's hair prickles their feet. Songs and fires color the world alive around them, beckoning them closer with a gentle heat that speaks of love and no blood.</p><p> </p><p>Chaghan sees Speer, as it was in Altan’s memories. As it should always have been—and as it is, at last.</p><p> </p><p>"Yes, I did."</p><p> </p><p>The butterfly on Altan’s shoulder takes flight and bursts into a ball of flames before Chaghan’s eyes, searing the image of Altan’s radiant smile into his mind.</p><p> </p><p>The warmth of sleep fades from Chaghan’s body as he wakes up, and when he opens his eyes, he thinks he sees the disappearing tail of a black butterfly flying out of his tent.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>idk how explicitly I could state it but a personal headcanon I also have is that Altan never accepted Chaghan's offer to become anchored because he knew he wouldn't be around for long and he did not want to take Chaghan with him when he died :'( rip Altan my sweet, angry boy.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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